#02 - LSD Dream Emulator, VRchat and Loved Ones, Simple Moments~ - 09/05/2025
00:34am at night! Ill be honest, i'm not aiming to make every blog entry a midnight or late night thing lol, it just so happens that I generally have time at the moment to just write down some stuff that comes to mind. I've had a good day today id say - the past week has been kind of depressing, honestly, havent had much motivation to do...well, anything, but its the love of my partners and the support of friends and good family that gets me to keep going and moving, functioning. That and my own personal dreams. I'm a simple guy - I feel bad, I kinda collapse and just feel down, but all it takes is the right spark to get me back on track.
I've had a few random thoughts lately about LSD Dream Emulator. I mentioned in my last blog post that i'll be doing a video on it, and it certainly still is the plan. So far, I am day 50 into the game on my own playthrough and it has been a WEIRD one, to say the least, even by the game's own standards: between textures glitching over and over, rare NPCs appearing like clockwork back to back, some FMVs not triggering at all despite the requirements being met, and then the game actually crashing and forcing me to reset the virtual state at one point, it's been a tantalising playthrough that's got my brain ticking when it comes to the matter of discussing the game. Im not really sure on what angle I want to take yet for the video, but something has been on my mind when it comes to it. That something has been the notion of...dissecting it. While I get that its such an easy thing to go for, theres a certain invasiveness to doing that when personally, I feel these dreams are a simulation of the dream journal, but also a bit of a psychological profile for whoever is having these dreams to begin with. Im not saying I know this person, absolutely not, but it does make me want to handle things with a level of tact and manners that others might not have considered. Im not stating that the dreams are a 100 percent reflection of the person having them, but the idea of the sexual textures, strange npcs, a grey man that constantly stalks you, gunmen, women who've been killed or hanged, the ENTIRETY of the Violence District, its...kind of unsettling. Its an organic kind of fear, viewing the dreams of another person who's clearly had some sort of prompt for these strange things to happen. It makes me wonder what this person might have been through, to have those dreams.
But maybe im overthinking it. In my own dream experiences, i've had a lot of strange dreams myself. Ive never managed to have a lucid dream yet, which is a shame, but i've had some odd experiences. One time, I was playing as doomfist from overwatch, IN overwatch, IN a match, on the horizon lunar colony map (the most underrated map imo). In another time, I was nude and I was walking through dark streets, until eventually I walked into an open flesh pit that had multiple rooms and sort of resembled the inside of the jabu jabu zelda map thing from Ocarina of time. In another, I walked up a mountain in kyoto with my sister to get some sort of certificate from...colin baker, the sixth doctor, from doctor who??? which then evolved into snowboarding, which then evolved into a post-apocalypse where I met my younger self. And then I looked into a tent the survivors had made and-
I got stabbed with a spear through the stomach by a 6ft tall grey doppleganger with an unhinged, jaw breaking smile, a doppleganger who for the next few weeks would hunt me down to try and harm me in my dreams, which I named "Grey". I havent seen him since 2020 if i recall. He's vanished.
But um, yeah, that's the gist. I dont know what these dreams are supposed to say about me, and I can't make some bold assertion about the author of the dream journal. But I find her dreams and the simulation of those dreams within what LSD Dream Emulator is to be absolutely fascinating, and its a point I feel might be worth some merit to bringing up in a video. A lot of people are really onboard for something like a video about the game from me, which is really flattering ngl. So im looking forward to getting the remaining 316 days done! The more that I play, the more I will absorb what im taking in.
Other than LSD Dream Emulator, ive been clocking on when it comes to my life in general, but I had a really lovely session of VRChat with my partners tonight! It really soothed and healed my soul, and I can't help but deeply appreciate those sessions. Not only is it something different than what id usually play, but its a means to bridge the gap between the long distance nature of things. There's no touch and tactile feedback for the most part in vr, but you can feel a presence in a sense, and that presence is comforting to me. I love spending time with both of them, and they're my passions, my sun and moon <3 I suppose i'm either earth, or a spanning of starts in that regard hehe. But honestly though, being able to look at the photos or videos I take and just feel this fuzzy warmth in my heart from the fun the three of us had just means everything to me. Memories are something that I feel are crucial - I don't have that many surviving photos of my childhood so I am determined to preserve the present, as much as possible. Also, I really want to frame one of these photos someday. VRChat is generally a fun experience for me, and I love that I have it. VRChat is something I also want to make a video on someday, believe it or not. I have a specific concept in mind. It's just a backburner project, conceptually, for now.
On the topic of moments, its kinda silly, but if theres one thing about existence I enjoy, its the little things: the breeze on my skin, the wind in the air, the heat of the sun, the cooling gasp from drinking water after being absolutely parched, music in my ears from my headphones as I listen in currently on fourleafisland's latest art stream and write this blog post, etc. One specific thing I like is cooking up a simple packet of ramen noodles and just eating in the bliss of my own silence. Silence is peace for me, in a lot of instances. I grew up surrounded by noise, the joy of being an adult now is just to have some control over how I spend my time. Though I hope to get more control there soon enough, as, I dont feel fully comfortable in my life just yet. Getting on by. But i've got some hope and optimism for things, and I think ill be alright. But when things get all sorted and solid? Im gonna waffle down a bunch of koka ramen noodles. That shit's so damn good: throw some cheese on top and you've got like, heaven in a bowl lmao.
Either that, or I get some fried chicken.