#12 - Moved Onward from An Old Community (Again, Not Sapari, Love that Place~), Anticipation for Deltarune - 01/06/2025
Today has been a really haggard day for me. I dislike days like these, because it feels like from the get-go, it's not gonna be that great. Still, with days like these, in which I wake up and just sense that something is going to be off today, it happens, and it is what it is. So I roll with the punches and I get on with my day anyway. Admittedly, I didn't really do much today - why, im not so sure, but I don't feel too great about it. But perhaps there are just days like these, where I clock on with things on other days and need at least one big day to rest. Maybe. I dunno.
In my last blog post, I mentioned that I was preparing to move on from an old community. Today, I did so, leaving it behind and keeping in touch with the people that I really want to keep in touch with through friend requests and the like. I have a lot of feelings about it: for one, I'm incredibly sad that it came to this, that I no longer felt comfortable in a place that I SHOULD have felt comfortable in, that i'm leaving something behind that's been a part of my life since the covid days. I feel frustrated, that nothing was done to prevent the decline of the place in terms of it's moderation and standards, that seemingly nothing that was being suggested by those wanting to help ever got listened to or acknowledged. I feel frustrated that all the efforts and time that I put into that place, sans the friends I made there and the people I keep in touch with (because really, they're the only people that mattered to me in the end from that place), meant virtually nothing, that moderating that place back in the covid days and dealing with the copious levels of stress I endured back then for something VOLUNTARY, meant nothing. Basically, 99 percent of every bit of time I spent there meant nothing in the end, with the 1 percent being the good people I met and care about to this day and whom i'll keep in touch with after this. I feel immensely frustrated by it.
And tbh, this is coy of me, but for the amount of BS that I dealt with by being there and moderating, I should have been compensated with payment lmao, because no person should have to go through being given personal threats over moderation. What even.
But above all else, I feel sad. Because I expected so much better, and I had some attachment to the place. But times must change and so must I, and I believe it's time to move on from such places, because they're not healthy under any circumstances. There's so much to life and living that is better spent than bearing the brunt of horrible things and tiresome things; I recognise my own self-worth and I am not willing to throw it to the wayside anymore, just for someone else's benefit. Why am I wasting my time with awful places that don't even attempt to value me? That don't treat me with kindness? It's time to focus on better things, the people that matter to me the most: I have so many close friends, my two loved ones, and good members of my family - these are who I cherish and value the most and will continue to value forever. So while I'm frustrated and sad, I also say "Good Riddance" to that community i've now left. Life's too big and grand for me to rot in places that will never see sunlight, never grow beyond boiling within it's own self-generated misery.
Other than the community shtick, I'm absolutely TEEMING with anticipating for deltarune. I speak to my partner now and then about it, I'm like OH GOD OH FUCK ITS ACTUALLY REAL!!!! THIS ISNT A JOKE!! ITS REAL!! MAD!! Yknow? Like, holy fuck, i'm excited~!!!!!!!!!!!! So tomorrow, or today from the June 1st perspective, I'll be replaying it this sunday evening, specifically chapter 2. I need to derust!
...and also attempt Spamton NEO. Good lord, this is gonna be fun, but, a challenge~