#15 - Life Update, Doctor Who, Hopes - 24/06/2025
It's been a bit since I updated this blog but to be honest, it's because i've been really busy. Busy in both the sense of my own projects, and my life. I've got a lot to say.
First off, Life! How have I been? I've been so-so - for one, the deltarune release has kept me in incredibly high spirits and being able to discuss it with others and my partners has been a blast. It feels like people see the game in the way i've always been seeing it, in that it's something deeply special and the fact that i've seen it resonate so much across different parts of the web makes me feel really happy. Even moreso in how my first ever playthroughs of both chapters have been immortalised as early playthroughs of the game - I get a lot of comments on how the game has affected others or just small little thoughts, and I cant help but feel proud for being able to upload something that is quite personal, that is quite resonant. Other than deltarune however, I've had a few downs and ups - the place I wanted to move into unfortunately has no space, and i've taken my interest subsequently elsewere and I am currently looking for a place to live at thanks to the help of various others in my life who've provided it. Im sincerely thankful, for that. While that's been a major downer, I'm still trying to get out of my current living circumstances and I hope to do so, soon enough. I really do NOT want to be where I currently live in 2 years time, as i've dealt with so much stress within my life that I don't think I can keep reasonably going if I keep dealing with this.
Here's the thing: I dont think humans were made for conflict - by that, especially emotional conflict, this constant fix of throwing shade and actively antagonising other people. I certainly wasnt built for it and I dont want to ever have to deal with it ever again once I have a bit of freedom. I dont really like to argue extensively unless its a kind of debate or discussion where there's objective and legitimate criticism. Even as a kid, I never really understood why people would name-call or bully, why people would specifically gang up on one person or the other to target them and ostracize them. So imagine having, mostly, a life wherein all you've ever had to do is grin and bear the stress of arguments that happen with people around you and when you try and get them to calm down and listen, they instead turn their aiming reticle on YOU and YOU become the target, the worst person in the world, the antichrist, for...asking for things to be peaceful. That, in a way, has been my life for over 6 years, and Im about done with it. Which is why im really hoping that recent stuff works out for me. Ill mention that soon.
Other than this, my brain's been on Doctor Who. Mainly due to how awful the finale of the "new" season 2 has been, but, also because the way old classic who was written. Recently in my downtime, I've been watching the first series of NuWho, Series 1. I sort of grew up with NuWho, having seen quite a bit of Tennant's run when I was a kid. I have vivid memories of Blink and the episode with the Sycorax, where the guy gets vaporised into dust - that shit scared the hell out of me as a kid. But I also remember school fairs (imagine these big market stall like setups inside a pentagon-shaped room where people are selling knick-knacks), where I spotted episodes of NuWho (also called Doctor Who, as NuWho is a continuation of the Doctor Who series that aired from the 60s to 80s/90s, named retrospectively as Classic Who) with a guy who wasnt Tennant. That was my experience with Series 1, Christopher Eccleston's Doctor, the 9th Doctor. And im gonna be honest, i've never NOT loved Eccleston's portrayal - there's something so rooted and grounded with his Doctor and the sternness of him makes for such a fun watch. But anyway, about Series 1 - I've been rewatching it lately, due to how goddamn bad the "new" season 2 has been (Ncuti's Doctor's second season - brilliant actor and doctor, godawful finales), and the writing just clicks: everything from the way the characters talk so fluidly and naturally to how there's such a consistent level of themeing for each episode just hits so right. For example, Rose has themes of conspiracy and evil in the shadows, The End of The World is basically all about how companies profit from tragedies and the way those companies exploit these things for profit, The Unquiet Dead has themes of faith and having belief in the unknown, Aliens of London and World War Three are about politicians who speak so much utter shit (and happen to be aliens but, yknow, plot) that the gag of them farting actually makes them fucking terrifying given the power they're after. And I neednt say more, as it becomes spoilers. But that's the thing that I really like about this series. Everything is laden in such potent storytelling, the music is so complimentary to it, the way things are framed and shot and the ongoing mystery makes it feel so strong in it's execution. This is a show that can be both serious, funny, comical, even parodic at times, but so cold and cutting and heartbreaking too.
That's what's missing from the newer seasons: it lacks a bite, a fearlessness to chew into strong subject matter with fitting composition, with too little time to make episodes and full seasons to flesh out subject matter. 73 Yards, Boom, Joy To The World and Dot And Bubble are quite frankly, the only episodes of Ncuti's run that really have a strong bite to them because its like the writing is allowed to breathe and for the show to actually have the means to discuss genuinely interesting concepts and be experimental through showing them. Joy To The World's timeloop genuinely got to me a bit, seeing it first time around - hell, even if the whole story had been made around the time between the loop, it would have been a great story, but the final thing is solid too. And the tragic part of all of this is that Ncuti Gatwa is such a compelling and charismatic actor. He's genuinely great as the Fifteenth Doctor, but he's absolutely failed by how the showrunners regressed his character from what was supposed to be a healed version of the character by stuffing the two, eight episode long seasons full of lore and underdeveloped plot lines, and Russel T Davies focusing on generating content than...allowing him to shine. I dont really understand it to be honest: he's such a brilliant actor who brings so much to the table, yet its like he's never allowed to fully be himself. My criticisms of these "new seasons" are based around Russel T Davies's inability to allow for more episodes and to let Ncuti just be himself. It really irks me.
But it is what it is. So I've just been going through series 1 and appreciating how good things used to be. The setup for a good season, or two, with Ncuti's run was there, but the showrunner failed. And no, to clarify, the issues with Ncuti's run is NOT because of him or who he is, it's because the showrunner cared more for clicks than Ncuti and his role. Moving on.
What are my hopes for things in the upcoming future?
Had my eye on an interesting job lately! Really hoping I get it, since its about something im passionate about and I'd love to do a bit of good deeds to be honest. Other than this, I'm hoping that I continue with my progress on the dream emulator playthrough, since I halted myself for about a month due to the deltarune chapters release and other stuff. Im hoping to make this summer something that's memorable, a season that I feel will make me happy rather than how miserable I felt back in autumn and winter last year.
I want things to continue to change and hopefully be for the better. Thats about it, really.
Simple thing to ask.