#16 - Anticipation - 29/06/2025
Recently has been an incredibly interesting time for me. In what must have felt like two prior weeks of feeling kind of utterly hopeless, having my shins emotionally kicked in when it comes to finding a good place to live, and a lot of other things on the brain, the interview I had went off without a hitch and I nailed it! Starting soon, ill be working, so less on a lot of platforms and more doing good out there in the world for a cause that I am passionate about.
Its honestly kind of bizarre, in a way. I never thought that my prospects would lighten up, that i'd be here, typing this, nervously excited and anticipating the start of a whole new part of my life for me. A part of my life now where Im earning and working and genuinely doing some good in the world, spending half of my week doing the right thing. I don't know how exactly that may affect my existing hobbies like drawing and videomaking, but, to be honest, I can't wait to just be able to find out and see how things will go for myself. Im not suicidal or anything, Im not feeling in the state of being beyond hope and not having any sort of prospects going for me, but ever since March, it has felt like things have sort of taken this sour turn. This sour turn, where things only get worse and worse and worse, pushing the barometer to see how worse it can become. And March really did feel like hell, like things were collapsing. Other times have gotten close since, but, not to the extent of what happened in March.
But its with this new hope within me and the fact that I am beginning to realise that, for a long time, all ive done is put myself down and be so self-sabotaging, that I can do some good and build towards a future that feels right for me. One where I can meet the people I love, one where I can sit in a home of my own and not feel utterly terrified from past trauma, one where its pure bliss. And I believe its possible. It was possible before, but now its even more so. And ive got to work hard to get this, otherwise, ill never progress. I am quite nervous, honestly. Its not a terrified nervousness, more like anticipation, like im ready to learn and go out there and do some good. Im ready to go at things, and ill feel less nervous as I keep at it. I feel like when this week comes to a close, my first week, ill have a lot of thoughts on my brain, ill have a lot to say here, but by god, im ready.
Let this job from here be the start of my genesis, as a person. Because in the end, I desire to achieve my small lil dreams, and do right by others.
Here's to this upcoming week. Im scared, nervous, but by god im excited and prepared for a new chapter of my life.
Lets do this.