#18 - Reflecting Back on the Week - 05/07/2025
This whole week has been wild, but not in a bad way. Actually, I feel incredibly happy. It's been such a productive, happy little week and I've genuinely just done well for myself this week.
So lemme give a few cliff notes.
The beginning of my week consisted of training, where I ended up meeting my coworkers. They're great!! Really felt like I was a part of my team from the get-go. But the two work days were genuinely fun as well; not only did I learn more, but I got into a good groove with things and Ive already began work towards my targets expected of me during my training period. I feel really accomplished and for the first time in a long time, I feel truly alive with importance. Not to say other things dont make me feel that way, but, I feel like I can do anything, that I have possibilities, that I'm doing something good out there in the world and genuinely making things just a little better for someone in need. That fact makes me happy. Coming back to where I live on the long journey and putting weatherscan music on as I saw the sky darken, the sunset darken, seeing the rain pouring down while the drops glistened in the orange hues of the oncoming night, it felt right to me. I felt good, still do. (Shame how the people I live with are so unbelievably stressful to deal with that it ruins my mood, even if good. Love people who selfishly dont care about me(!))
But I also acknowledge now that, thanks to my capability here and no longer allowing myself to be bogged down by my own self-criticality from the past, I can do more. And that means working on getting out of where I currently live with momentum, and finding somewhere that can get me all settled and okay in the end. Because Im tired of feeling awful because of other people. Theres so many beautiful people in my life, my partners for example, and I want to always feel happy thanks to their presence. But then the presence of people I live with actually make me feel shittier and shittier. Maybe that's blunt, maybe that's a bit harsh, but im so tired. So, damn, tired.
So that's the idea from here: i'm working my ass off and doing my best, making the world a bit of a better place through what I do, and getting those paychecks so eventually, hopefully soon, I can get out. Get the hell out, and live for myself for the first time.
That's my plan.
I have hope. Ill keep hoping. Ill make it damn real, no matter what. I deserve to be happy.
Happy with my partners, my friends, family <3