#21 - What I Desire in a Home - 20/07/2025
I've sort of mused on this topic for a while, but, what do I desire in a home? Seems simple, right? The question, I mean. However, as I'm currently trying to get out and find a place of my own, the question has become more and more presient within my life. And with the help of my loved ones, friends, so on, plus the work life and being paid per week, it makes me think on what im after.
So why dont I go into detail?
Here's the gist:
Is either a Flat or House
NOT A FLATSHARE OR HOUSESHARE, I want my own space. I want my own space to have my own life, yknow?
Garden? Yay or nay, I dont really care. Though i'd adore to have a garden I can do some botanical stuff in and grow my own vegetables and flowers within. My own little patch of earth.
Already has furniture, has ammenities like washing machines, cooker/oven, etc. Preferably I don't want to pay for these things to get installed, im not a money basin.
Has a bed. Weird one maybe, but, again, same reason as above.
No annoying neigbours or weird neighbours. For some reason this is so rare; all my life, i've been around neighours who are just genuine weirdos, who either try and get you in trouble while THEY cause trouble for you, or they actively have noise complaints levied against them and yet they keep being noisy. British neighbours are abominable at times. Id rather live next to a yeti. Least he'd make me snowcones.
Is just comfortable.
Actually, ill elaborate on the former. What I want to be honest, is somewhere comfortable that feels like home. Somewhere that is comfy and small but big enough for my belongings, somewhere secure and without trouble. Basically a place for me to be the true me in a sense. I've been musing on this specifically because of today, actually. Today, I visited a listing for a flatshare. The actual flat was fine, so was the guy in charge of the place, but its the small things that sort of put me off the place. Mainly the size, some flat rules, etc. But that's why i've been so particular with my listing above of things id like for a place.
The thing is, I want to just be free, if that makes sense. A place of my own to call "Pachii's Home!". Somewhere that, every day after work, I can come back to. I can open the door, I can close it, put my keys in the little bowl next to it, go into my living room and make myself something that thaws my slightly frozen soul from how hard work can be sometimes. I can put my PC or TV on, yknow, if I still care for cable anyway, and I can just wind down for the last few hours of the night. And then on the weekends, I can really be at peace. No stress from other people, no threats of homelessness from other people, no people in my vicinity to actively deride, degrade and diminish my life and my successes and victories and my genuine skills at everything, just pure responsibility for me.
That's the thing about me, I prefer being responsible for all failures I undergo. I like being responsible for my failures because then it means that I actually am responsible for my own fate, that I can correct myself. That, when bad things happen, they are not outside of my own control. Because more than anything, I detest failure based off of not MY error but of the error of values and formulas that are beyond my own control. There is something deeply disconcerting about failing when it's outside of my control, because it's like I cant ever learn from WHY I failed. I want to learn, I want to IMPROVE, why the fuck can I never do that when shit is rugpulled from me and my control is just robbed from me? Sorry, tangent, but, this mentality is why I want to have control over my own space, so I can feel like I have proper responsibility over things and a sense of management.
Or maybe this is just some sort of side effect of being neurodivergent potentially. Who the hell knows.
Anyway, the house thing. I just want my own cosy little nest if that makes sense (therians, eat your heart out at that comment. squark), and a place to really call my own. Maybe even to just be a part of a local community, not fearing being in such a thing. Thing is, I remember how antisocial my parents are when it came to community; the memories are super old now, dusty, entombed within my cells that refresh every seven or so years. But I remember it vividly, how my parents had a tendency to get confrontational with already shitty neighbours and their weirdness, how they could never really have a good conversation with them, so on and so forth. For a while, it made me particularly afraid of people, because I had this narrow mindset, but ive come to realise that basically all of us are just trying to get by in the shitty system we live in. So is it any surprise that people get mad at each other? We all want space in a world where the space is running out. Or rather, we end up invasive to the other. So that's why I'd like to just express some kindness in the world if I had a big neighbourhood, if there was a community. I want to be the kind of kindness in the world that perhaps people are lacking nowadays. A part of that is motivated by my job, being that I go out there to spread a bit of kindness and help people on a much bigger scale in the grander scheme of things. So i'd like to not be like my parents in that sense.
Im currently still looking for places. I've had like, a lot of roomshare places mind, but, I think im definitely just gonna try and go for flats or houses of my own.
I desire freedom. I will get it. When is not known, where is even more unknown, but my will here is definitive.
I WILL get somewhere.