#24 - Philanthropy Volume 1 is Out, Hopes for the Autumn Season Upcoming - 31/07/2025
Something I didnt mention lately: My original fiction story, Philanthropy, is out!! Or rather, it's first volume hehe. This is a story that I have been working on for quite literally three years, with the earliest skeletons of the project being conceptualised in 2021/2022. Having always wanted to convey a story with the characters I have, especially Patchblob, my main character and the first I ever formalised and made, this was a huge undertaking but after three years of cleanup and changes and solidifying the plan for what I wanted to do and convey, the first volume is out!!! It came out a few days ago lol, but, yknow, I lost my job, so naturally I felt more inclined to discuss the BS there.
CHECK OUT VOLUME 1 OF PHILANTHROPY HERE!
Honestly, this story means a lot to me, deeply. It's a story about characters who have been through a lot, who will continue to do so. Characters that live in such a bitterly wrong world plagued by its own problems, but in spite of that, they strive for a better tomorrow and fight for that tomorrow because above all else it's the right thing to do. It's a story of hope against the despair of life and something that I am deeply resonant with. A lot of my own experiences, a lot of what I've felt across the years, has been imbued within this story and this volume is the start of a grand story I want to convey for a WHILE. I believe that my story can mean something to someone, and I want it to matter as such. It was inspired by my own experiences, a bit of anime/manga like jojo, and even a little bit of metal gear and other big influences in a way. I havent began writing volume 2 just yet, as I want volume 1 to hit marks with people. Ill be posting the link around to volume 1 a lot, as I want to just make something people can love like I do. To be honest, there was a certain fear to releasing this at long last because it's so deeply close to me as a piece of art, a work of my own, that judgement can kind of scare me somewhat, but at the same time, all good things like this must be seen by public eyes so I neednt be so worried.
Other than this, I did have another thing on my mind. The autumn season upcoming.
Truthfully I wouldnt usually start thinking about it at this moment, at this point, but with the recent implosion of my former job position and how I've been somewhat scarred by the sun due to painful sunburn and even a little bit of sunstroke at one point during the whole period of time, I've had a bitter taste in my mouth concerning this season. I remember somewhere in one of my prior blog posts that I hoped to make this summer fruitful. Well, that was certainly true, but it didnt last. So I want this season done, dusted, finito, out of my damn way. I have a bad taste in my mouth from the shit I endured and the even bigger shit I endured from how I was fired for no good reason, so I'd like to move on. At...the same time, I also want this autumn season to genuinely be better than last year. I made this blog a few months ago, so I didnt document the kind of insanity occuring the past months prior to this whole thing's creation. But the September-October period? Okay. November? Eh, nerves over graduating the next month. December?
Good god.
December last year was a fucking nightmare, an actual honest to god nightmare for me. Lets start by saying some GOOD things: one, one of my partner's birthday's was this month and I love him and I got to cherish his day with him, bless that beautiful man's heart. Two, I graduated from my master's degree and actually attended the graduation ceremony, which felt really nice. Three, I saw Sonic 3 in cinemas with my siblings, which was a banger time and legitimately one of the coolest experiences I've had like, ever, in a cinema. But that's where the good ends and the bad begins, like invasive tumbleweed, it comes into the month and makes everything worse. Let me bulletpoint it:
Starting off, the night I graduated was tainted a bit by the people I live with deciding to argue incessantly as soon as we got back and not even respecting the privacy I had and wanted for such an important day.
On my birthday, someone related to the people I live with died. Now, im not saying the death was a distraction from my birthday, not saying the death isnt important or something, absolutely not. Im still gutted about that person's death too, Im still sad over it, but it's timing really made me feel fucking shit and depressed on a day I usually felt so golden on. In general the scheduling with the whole day was a nightmare too and I felt like I was forced to make my day around the way others wanted it to be rather than...me, yknow, having it how I wanted.
Christmas eve. Worst christmas eve i've ever had, in my life. The people I live with had a nasty spat so instead of resolving it like normal human people, I was out with one of them at 10pm at night on christmas eve in the pissing rain, freezing, getting food that should have been gotten way before. All the while my head was lodged full of stress. I wanted to spend time with people I was planning to just...spend christmas with. Friends, partners, etc. Christmas day was no better, with arguments breaking out so frequently on the day that any sense of merriment died within the moment I woke up. Awful fucking day, I dont want to remember it. But the arguments only got worse and worse, until I asked relatives to see if I could stay over for a few days and end the year off in peace.
So we did. And it was a peaceful week or so around there. Ever since ive been around there more and more, and its nice to be able to decompress and relax a bit whenever I go visit. Though it only immensified the rift between me and the people I live with even more, though not by my own doing; when you've survived verbal abuse and survived a household full of domestic abuse, you tend to steer clear of wanting to be near anything akin to it or reminding you of times in your life you dont want to ever remember. That time from...I think it was the 27th of December, to January 5th, or something, was so comfortable, so freeing from the madness I had been coping through for all of that month. So I'm hoping to stay around in the december month THIS year at relatives, as tbh, I dont trust the people I live with to act remotely normal or be any better than they were last year. I tend not to try and opt into pessimism, to be callous or be mean and make judgement on people - I am bad at being balanced in this regard and tbh I've been rightfully told off by good people/close friends in private about that, but Im working on it and I hope to use the chances they've given me wisely. But I find it hard to overall forgive people who hurt me, especially if they're family. Something about family hurting me hurts a lot more than the other close bonds I have because I at least can trust people outside of family to actually evolve and be better, as they would expect of me too. Maybe one day ill relax in that regard, be more forgiving. Only if people start being more kind. Referring to family, obviously.
But I hope that autumn, the sept-december period, I just hope its easier for me than it was last year. I cant bear to go through another set of madness like I did a year prior. So Ill make doubly sure I prioritise my health here, and myself. Despite setbacks lately, my confidence in realising im self-critical too much has not gone away and I will keep to my guns on how I am deserving of kinder treatment by people close to me who HAVE wronged me. Again, not friends, just people within the wide complex that can be family.
I dont have much more to say. I just hope for a good autumn.