#35 - Rewind, Realisation, Determination - 26/11/2025
Gotta say, busy times lately - I've been all over the place, and as the year gets older, I find myself getting a lot less flexible about it. I've been here, there and everywhere, but it is what it is. But i've been happy: TimeSplitters Rewind released on November 23rd 2025, and it's been an incredibly fun experience! I've had time to not only play with friends and randoms, but also just play the game and I gotta say, it feels so cool just to be able to experience a NEW timesplitters game in this day and age. Its brought me a lot of joy, and I am continuing to get through the game bit by bit as I conquer the trophies~ Honestly, havent had this much casual fun in a while, and given that I've been a QA tester for the game, to see people have so much fun with this and to see rewind in the news with major positive reception makes me deeply happy. Rewind became something in which I generally ended up intertwined with, learned its history, and as such, theres some deep connections I have when it comes to the devs and other aspects. Like, I think I deserve the credit of saying that I know more about this project than most of the public ever will. But to be fair, I do consider myself the secretholder of this community in a few ways haha. I know a lot more about this series than people would expect.
But the recent stuff with the community has also made me very much aware of some things, a realisation, if you will: in that it's time I stop trying to impress people who dont care for my energy and time. I can't deny that across the years, I've had my fair share of issues within the timesplitters community, primarily with ego-hungry folks who think they're above criticism and above the idea of being kind to other people (who knew that being nice to people online was so hard - apparently grown adults find that difficult, which is hilarious given how old these games are). And unfortunately, I've been kicked by said folks quite the few times. But ive come to understand, and in relation to my general frustration in life, that it's time I stop trying to make "amends" on my side to appease or appeal to these kind of clowns. Its funny, most of the issues i've had with idiots that also happen to orbit this community (not rewind, the outer timesplitters community) come from said idiots. But maybe this is just an aging thing or the fact that I have more restraint than I ever used to, but I dont see it as valuable anymore to try and be on "good" terms with these sorts of people, to try and make connections with the kind of people who legitimately have never been told off for anything in their life. It wastes valuable energy, and I dont like feeling angry - it legitimately is a waste of energy. So I've decided to put my energy into the positives that I have, to no longer entertain idiocy and to really, just put the energy I have from frustration into something a lot more productive.
So, I've began speedrunning!
Okay, to be frank, Ive always been quite interested in speedrunning, Ive been a long-time Xem92 stream watcher, and me and Xem get along quite well (though I'd like to talk to the guy more). But i've always been interested in speedruns, and especially their history when it comes to certain games. And recently, my interest was heightened when I decided to take part in a speedrunning tourney with friends...for crash bandicoot: the wrath of cortex. Honestly? its not a bad game, I like it a lot to be fair, its a bit of a childhood classic of mine and I cant bring myself to dislike such a game. But playing it in a tourney and feeling so competitive...god, it's made me hungry for more. Speedrunning that game, getting first place, feeling my heart pump blood like a jackhammer and actually being winded when I got that first place spot and a meaty time of 1:53:50, was genuinely such a brilliant experience and I've been very happy since. So today, I started trying to run TimeSplitters 2 Story Mode, Easy Difficulty - the world record is 25m 48s by ivXn_, and I got myself a good time of 35:06! Im legitimately 11 or so minutes off of world record, and, give or take the seconds I may have overreached from unfamiliarity with the livesplit features, I still think that's pretty good. But honestly, I am happy with this time so far and I look forward to proving myself further, that I can burn down the times i've got on each split so I can get better times. I want to achieve that world record, and then get my name on the various other leaderboards of the series. A part of my motivation is proving myself as someone who's experience with the games has paid off and that I am pretty good at these games (which, I know I am anyway), but another is to sate the hunger I have. Since the crash speedrun tourney, I've felt HUNGRY for more, i've WANTED to get competitive and BE competitive, and the itch to prove myself is strong. But there is a part of me that's also after wanting to turn the frustration i've felt into tangible results, to prove I can do this. Here's the thing: I honestly have been worried for some time about feeling...useless. It sounds strange, right, but, thing is, i've always been worried that I do too much but Im not good at any of it. I'm a pixelartist, a youtuber, a musician, a fanfic writer and an original fiction author. And im proud of these! I really love being these, im good at them, I dont question that. But I question whether i hold too much weight, whether that im just not very good because im split between so many places. But i've come to accept that I am, infact, talented at what I do, and that I always want to do more. I always want to do more, add another thing to my skillset, to my list, my repertoire. And...I feel comfortable about adding speedrunning to that, I want to be the master of my trades, having fun with all. So that's my intent. And I want speedrunning to be another mark of my existence, to show that I am more than the sum of my parts and that I am more than snubbed. I want to conquer these damn leaderboards~ I think im fuckin' capable~
That's what i've been up to on that front lately anyway, what's been keeping me busy within my spare time. Life continues onward, things are ambivalent. But it is what it is. Im hoping that my birthday in a few weeks will be peaceful - turning 25 is a bit momentous, honestly. It's not really intimidating, though, it's weird how fast my life seems to be going. I just hope that I can value these days.
I know I can always be better. But I know I can be absolute at what I do. I dont think im egotistical, but I know I am fucking good at what I do and I want people to know that. I deserve to have acknowledgement of being the master of my trades, even if that does seem a tad rude.
So im going to keep going.