Furikake Corner

#50 - Homelessness, Current Situation - 01/05/2026

I didn't think i'd end up writing this in here, yet, here I am, sat in a cafe, typing out my life once again. Since around early April, i've ended up homeless once again. Nearly ten years since the last time, the first time. In four months and a week iirc, it will have ended up ten years since. Truthfully I have too much to say. logging into this thing after the past few weeks feels painful, honestly, given the fact that I had so many little aspirations yknow, these goals I had in mind. Yet, here I sit now, listening to hypnoshark try another CTR run on cafe wifi, typing here. Im out today as it's also sunny as hell, so, why not enjoy it?

Where do I start...?

So. What happened? In frank terms, the relationship the two other folks in the flat I formerly called my home just collapsed. It got to the point where it was a nonstop onslaught of shit, unhealthy for everyone. And when I tried to separate the two, the thuggish asshole who owns the place decided to put his hands on my neck. My largest regret is not calling the police, as i've always ended up too empathetic to people who are walking magnets of poison. I regret not calling the police for that. Shit escalated after that: people heading out at weird times of the night, weird convos and mannerisms, sleepless nights, until eventually i left to stay what was only for a short time at a sibling's place. one of the folks from the flat followed suit hours later, and the next day, we learned that the locks on the flat got changed. so we spent a few days organising a plan to work together to get our stuff into storage (which went successfully at the cost of moaning and effing and jeffing from my gran, who essentially has never cared for me or my side of the family really), and working together to get a flat near the sibling's place. it was a lovely little place, and we seemed hopeful.

And then it fell apart - we needed a guarantor, and my gran decied to not help despite claiming she would. she also had the nerve to tell me she was homeless despite slouching at my other aunt's house with 20k in card, due to go on a luxury cruise. Oh yeah, thanks gran, your fixation on the "rich" side of the family is showing. shows how much you care(!) At the same time, I got the other person from the flat into staying at my aunt's place, which collapsed for it's own set of reasons involving pride and not appreciating the help given. I went to my dad's which is where i've stayed since April 11th. And since, i've started the process of integrating here in this new area. It is a new start for me. There are however, still quirks to all of this: I need to get my stuff out of storage. I need to organise getting out prior to the 14th may, or my finances get fucked. I need to adapt to the way things work at my dad's flat, too; it's nice for the most part, though there are some...quirks that I dont like and honestly make me feel fairly unsettled. Though, I'll take this over the streets any day, im not complaining. Existing here gives me a chance to get some normalcy...for the most part. If I integrate to the area here, I can get a leg into things and finally get my own place. Truthfully I want work if it means I get paid and then get my own place, I dont care for my reservations anymore.

I'd also have a chance to reorganise my autism diagnosis journey. The specialist I was with had remote assessments cut and cancelled, leaving me with no chance of a diagnosis after...3 months of waiting. I am upset there. Yet, I can do what I can to keep trying, or rot if I don't. So I'll try and switch to the one my sister used, and got her confirmed diagnosis for.

Two things have stuck with me since all of this happened: the sheer love and care from folks who know me, who care, who've helped me so much and supported me in terms of art and funds to keep afloat. It means everything, it's made me cry several times. I've deeply missed the voices and company of my partners, and im thankful that they're still here. Same goes for friends. Just the sheer kindness of it all - I try not to end up saying this, i just...dont feel worthwhile as a human most days. Hard to find that motivation now too. I just remind myself of those who care for me, the support I have, and then just my goals. I'm grateful for the roof over my head, even if it isnt perfect. I will eventually look into my mental health, other than autism, as...I suspect im not all there chemically. I feel fragile, mentally. Idk why I ended up this way. The other thing that's stuck with me is how much I really miss all of my prior digital life, making videos, art without distraction, music...god I miss it. And all the fun things that I managed to do when in the meantime of the stupidity I had to live through prior, they were comforts. Most of them cant end up getting done atm due to the living situation, so whatever I can do, I do if its there. I just miss those things I cant do. I will return to them, hopefully, when thing are right.

I dont miss the old flat. I still get spikes of anxiety and anger over it when I settle into rest. It's ended up in my dreams too, I wake up in cold sweat. Stress is a ghost that haunts my soul, yet, I hope it goes away eventually. To go haunt someone else. Scram, yknow? I spend my midnights watching anime in the dark, comforted through old classics from nearly ten years ago too, my high school days. I accept I have quirks. I accept I am strange. I hope to eventually no longer have to restrict myself. You never know.

So whats my plan from here?

Who knows what will happen? One thing is certain though, I will survive. I am no longer tied to misery. I will get out of this funk, one way or another. And then, I can finally leave the past where it should stay: in the past. Time to exist free.

See you when I see you.