#53 - Fatigue, Deltarune + New CRT Dreams, VR - 04/07/2026
I am fatigued.
In general, honestly. The sudden heatwave, lack of sleep, getting more fed up, the after effects of realising things in therapy, and especially how i've gotten treated these past few weeks from people in my family who are supposed to try and let me recover from the homelessness stuff that's occurred, I'm just so fatigued. Im just so tired. And it doesnt help that deltarune chapter 5 was...jesus, I really didnt like it. Im gutted I didnt - there are aspects that I really liked, dont get me wrong, yet, the whole chapter just felt off to me. Didnt help that the environment I was promised in order to enjoy it was taken from me, and I had to endure constant noise and interruption when i was clearly occupied with it. I felt so empty and heartbroken after completing it as...god, i just didnt enjoy it. Yet, ive decided to process the feelings through a CRT Dreams that asks the question of how to process such a thing and why i want to feel inspired from it, taking a certain chapter 4 character's message to heart and picking up the pen of writing for myself. I want to make something constructive out of my disappointment. I didnt entire hate it, yet, god, i was disappointed. There are plenty of great things I like concerning chapter 5, its a shame they get overshadowed though. I hope chapter 6 and 7 will improve things. And I hope the video will convey that.
That also contributed to my fatigue I think. Just the anticipation and let down. Didnt help that the environment I live in is just...fucking overwhelming constantly, constantly invasive to my bodily autonomy even when I state no constantly (I do not have fucking skin problems, leave me alone), and i get screamed at sometimes for shit ive literally not done or things that arent even an issue. I am working at getting out and finding my path out, its just hard. And Im not going to give up. Theres so many folks who care for me and want the nicest of times for me and I will not fail them. Im making more efforts to do things for myself and even treat myself (im going to comic con later this month for the first time in 7 years, cant wait!), live a life i want to live unchained. I may not end up perfect, I dont claim I am, yet I deserve freedom. And I will keep fighting to get it.
A reminder of the good things is when I do these saturday vr sessions with my two partners, one of their sister's, and a close friend. Ive had so much legit fun when it comes to those sessions, we keep going to this world that reminds me of the boxing mini game from super monkey ball 2 and god, it feels so nostalgic. I feel so free, like a kid again, when we play it. It means a lot to me and the thought is enough to keep me smiling. Its the fact that I have found a comfy clique of people to spend that precious time with in vr, crossing the distance gap to have some fun, that means everything to me. And I legit cant wait for later tonight, my hearts well with excitement frankly.
I know shit isnt perfect right now. Yet, no matter what, I will continue to survive. I aint quitting any time soon.
I will get the life im after.