#58 - ASD Appointment, Furry Fandom - 10/08/2026
Today has been calming.
Soothing even. I've technically not been up to much, but, what I've done is significant. Today, I went to my ASD Appointment, after having gone through the waiting process of 7 months. It had taken this long due to the fact that I decided to choose the right-to-choose process, rather than wait on some infinite NHS waiting list. So, I chose right to choose in February at my old GP, got with the specialist I wanted, filled in the forms...and then learnt that the funding got cut for that specialist so I ended up being shifted over to a new specialist. Cue some months of waiting and today finally happens. So, what was it like? Truthfully not what I expected - it was calm, simple, a process of answering questions honestly, and I had a parent with me for the whole thing. There was a bit of me having to wrangle the convo back to my answers than that parent speaking over me and trying to rewrite history quite a bit, but, I think I did a good job of handling it and wrangling it back into my control. After some time, that parent left the room and the conversation became far less centric on two perspectives, and now, my own instead.
The conversation on my own with the person in charge of the appointment was something less strenuous to maintain. But I was able to be even more honest.
There is something that sticks with me during that period of the whole thing.
I was asked very specific questions and, I wont disclose what they were. But, through some hesitation, something...happened. I spoke of something that, admittedly, is incredibly traumatic that happened to me, that only people close to me or in the loop know about concerning my life. I dont know what compelled me to open up my soul like that and admit that particular thing, aside from being asked if I had been through certain things, but, I was asked, and it probably DOES have an effect on my development in some way. And, there was a certain terror to the fact that I had admitted it. But being reassured, being given the knowledge to know that there is, infact, support for people like me who've been through that kind of shit, is reassuring. There was a shaky feeling with all of it and, no longer having to carry that burden in my chest while I heal. And having the ability to just...let go of something that dark, to feel unburdened, is so nice. So not only do I have to wait just a week now for a follow-up video call + diagnosis, but, I can feel like I am no longer chained to that kind of trauma. I am, in a manner of speaking, now free, and I can do whatever I want with that information. I'm going to be moving on and, accepting what happened, and using the support groups given to me, for the sake of my continued betterment.
Speaking of 'tism, btw.
Furries! Wow, great segway, pachii, fantastic even(!). But, no, I assure you, it has relevancy. Since my time at comic-con, Ive wanted to do more conventions and the like, and I came across the info that a local furmeet that occurs each month around where I'm at. So...while I was sad that I couldnt go to the one that was occurring this month, I absolutely intend to get myself aboard the next month's one (shoutout to the friend I have who's local and told me about the experience plus photos and video of the whole thing), for the sake of it, and...to sate my curiosity. Truthfully, and I may have discussed this in a prior blog post somewhere, but, I have always been on the weird edge of not wanting to class myself as one yet clearly being one. But...no, I accept it. I am a furry, and, I find myself having some kindred connection with all of it. It's a lot of things and ill discuss it soon enough in a future blog post. But I want to...bring it into the actual world, that interest, that bigger space, yknow? So, i've even thought of making a patchblob kigurumi mask plus having furry ears just to anonymise myself and also bring my boy, my first true original character, my, ehe, fursona, into the real world in a way that wont murder my unemployed ass. I have a certain mental plan of action when it comes to what I wanna do here, and, I just need to give myself time to try it out.
All in all, I am moving in a direction that feels like I am just living. Living, happy. Healthier, smiling. More time to be content, to sleep, to not have nightmares. Dream a dream that's merely just something nice. I am honestly happy, and yknow what? Next week, ill have an honest to god answer on if im autistic or not. I suspect I am. But I want confirmation. And, frankly, I am making myself better through stuff like counselling too. I am legit happy.
And I'm gonna keep being happy from here <3
I just know it. Life aint perfect. But I aint after perfect.
Im after just being happy~