#59 - Patchblob Costume, Final ASD Appointments on Monday - 15/08/2026
I've had a bit of a lethargic day today. To be honest, not due to any bad reason, but more just general tiredness. After quite the long week of clocking onward with that first ASD Appointment, everyday tasks, the eclipse and the hot sun shining over, it's been fruitful. My reward is a good rest, and one that allows me to sit here and type this. I am honestly pretty happy, and despite the fact that there are the occasional stressors, I can confidently say that I am feeling happy and fine. I am not used to having downtime, but, I enjoy this nonetheless.
The main thing on my mind lately has been the patchblob kigurumi mask I want to wear to the local furmeet happening next month. I've actually been thinking on it a lot more, to the point where it's actually evolved from just the mask to a full on costume instead, one of which I can make within reasonable time. See, given the fact that I am not employed, I have to be careful with what im trying to do here - I am not made of money, and im also not in the position to get an actual fursuit. So, my thought process was this: why not try and assemble a costume?
So here's my idea:
The Mask - A kigurumi mask purchased by myself but altered by my own hand to look like patchblob (my first ever proper OC and my mascot I use everywhere, especially on CRT Dreams). My idea here was to add onto the actual mask through applying orange felt/textured material onto places like the left and right side of the face, around the eye (to emulate patchblob's own fur placement) and then making actual eyes to slot into the eyesocket. I was thinking of something like cellophane or some kind of transparent material for the irises, so I could see out of the mask without issue. But emulating how Patchblob looks in the face should be, sure, an effort, but doable! And I will take my time, once I have the mask.
A Wig - a white wig that emulates Patchblob's fur that I can wear on my head is something I want, and it also will help with combination with the mask. I want to get a short wig preferably, but, long I dont theoretically mind either. The idea is that the wig is worn first, then the mask.
Furry ears - Self-explanatory, but there's a catch here. Patchblob has a white ear and an orange ear, so i'd either be paying out the ass or id have to somehow get a pair of ears...and then modify them. However, I HAVE learned of ways to do this, to the point where I think if I had the acrylic orange paint and a brush plush a lot of patience, I could legit apply the orange to the ear myself.
Tail - The former applies to this too, and I think it's definitely possible to make the alterations I want. But this is one of the big things that I'm super eager to actually get, because...god, the idea of running around with a big fluffy tail just appeals to me.
Paws - This one...im unsure of, in terms of if I want to get them. But im thinking maybe I should, just to complete things. And the prior method of acrylic onto faux fur can easily work here.
There are two other things here that arent a part of the core furry costume line-up, but are things that I personally want to get because frankly, if I'm going out to be expressive...then why not go the full way for myself. I want a skirt and tights. I want to wear both, because I used to, and if i'm going to run around free as the person I am, I want to go that way. Its dawned on me but this is even more new territory than that of going back to comic-con, in that this is something public, something big, something that I may be seen in, and...it's tantalising, this idea of showing a part of myself deep down in public and being able to just be me. Yeah, I get to run around as a big silly in a furry costume designed after my OC, and I get to look cute as fuck in a skirt and tights too. I dont particularly like the idea of being visible, but being unabashedly real and free is something that appeals to me. But yeah, all of this, and the prior stuff, I can legitimately see myself having a beautiful thing made here and that thought, that vision, the mental image in my mind of what I desire to create just...hits home. I want it. Now, I'm obviously not going to bank on everything 100 percent, because for all I know, there could be setbacks with everything, and I expect difficulty. I mean, this is the first time ive done arts and crafts in over a decade, so this will be no cakewalk, but it WILL be doable. And I WILL put my all into this, because I honestly want to.
Life as I know it is going to become even more interesting as these final few months come into play. I know there’s a ton of events ill be attending, and I know there's plenty of events in which I want to personally go to as well. Hell, I want to go to Confuzzled over here too next year, but that's a ways away. But I want to keep doing more, to keep getting out there, do what I feel is right by all of it.
Relatedly, but I have my final appointment concerning the autism diagnosis stuff in...god, two days time from now. Monday. Two appointments, with an hour between. One wherein I am asked questions, the other wherein I get my answer. The yes or no. The confirmation, of if I am, or if I am not. I suspect I am, but this will prove if I am or not, and the thought both excites and terrifies me, because it's finality to a big looming question that's been over me for a long long time. And if I am confirmed as autistic, then it contextualises a lot of things, and it makes me feel...less inhuman. I guess to define what I mean by that, I want to specify that I've always felt like an outsider looking in unto the working mechanics of the world, with finding myself getting attached to people in fixated ways yet never able to actually adhere to social norms. Other kids would run around and connect and have these big groups. I simply was never like that, I stuck to familiarity, as I felt I should. Even now, that remains the same. But to have context and to contextualise all of this, it would mean the world to me. But if im confirmed NOT as autistic? Im unsure what ill do, but I will know that I am not inhuman either way. But monday will basically be catharsis, the end of the journey on that particular thing. Finality. It's scary, yet also something I desire for specifics sometimes.
A partial reason I bring this up, all of this, is due to a recent interaction I had with someone. I wont identify who this person is, but lets just say this person has already been needlessly aggressive to me over the course of a month. Why? Because I refused to give them money because for some reason they think they're entitled to what I have. I dont really get it. Anyway, they'd contacted me, not acknowledging their past confrontational behaviour, and then they quickly transitioned into obsessive ranting and trying to provoke me, but to no avail. I've been taking the high road when it comes to getting provoked emotionally and handling it in a controlled manner, because frankly, getting angry legitimately makes me feel ill. Yet, even this controlled manner was enough for this other person to keep trying to find new things to criticise, trying to play manipulative by saying im on this or that person's side, so on. To get a significant amount of irrational hatred towards myself and this obsessive need to rip me to shreds to prove themselves superior because Im speaking in a controlled tone is impressively strange to me. I've been making a lot of active efforts to control my admittedly unruly emotional regulation at times, and to be criticised for even that when it's the logistically positive outcome people should want and what I choose to do in this specific environment is bizarre to me. So even though I offered quite a few olive branches, an ask for resolution, they continued, always trying to have the last word.
So I said goodnight, and moved onward. And blocked them, as it stands.
The thing is is that the environment I was in prior to everything was such a legitimately horrible place. I've mentioned it in prior blogposts, I honestly lived in such a shit environment prior - even on days where I worked at the last job I had, I came home to a torrent of abuse and being pushed into situations that hurt me and re-traumatised me over and over. Being here where I am now, despite the homelessness thing, is a healthier option. And I've also realised that if I am autistic, then, i've been living in a pretty uncomfortable environment where none of my autonomy was ever respected. My creativity, my person, my everything, was never respected. So I want to now go out and live my life, get that appointment result, be the furry I am, be the weeb I am, just be happy.
I am happiest when I am unchained and I am no longer the caged creature I was, in the hands of awful people.
PachiiMochii runs free. And nobody will stop that.
I cant wait for this upcoming future~ I cant wait to larp around as patchblob, teehee~
Let the future be bright, I am excited~