#61 - Mancfurs Draws Near, Autumn Incoming, Autism Stuff - 06/09/2026
The time between this blogpost and the last I wrote has been quite interesting. See, as i've been here at my current location for what feels like nearly six months, time has slowed to a particular crawl. Every day, I wake up at a generally earlier time, and I get to experience the day with either the parent I'm living with as it stands, or i'm out doing something productive. It means that when I do get that semblance of really precious time, I enjoy it quite a lot. Every day has been pretty productive in SOME sense and I appreciate that. Has every day been consistently good here? No. But the majority of my days have been good, and that's just objective fact. It helps that counselling and emotional support have honestly helped me change in good ways and that recognising what I am not good at and my own flaws have helped me understand myself better. The diagnosis too. My overall point with what i'm saying here is that I value the time within my day, and as such, it's been something to process as I've undergone the partial furry costume's development. Yep! I've still been working on it! Reason I havent discussed it much is because i've been hard at work on it! I only have a bit more to go, and then we're literally sorted: I need to make some small fixes to the fabric/fur on the kigurumi mask, then I need to design the mesh eyes which should in theory be very easy. Adding two straps to the mask so it snugs around my head well. Nothing needs to be done with the wig but I am considering, honestly, glueing the ears to the actual wig i'll be wearing, but it ultimately depends. Then all that remains is applying some orange acrylic to one of the ears and one of the paws, which came in the mail recently and are SO CUTE!!! THEY'RE SQUEAKY TOOO AAHH! I love em hehehehhehehe. But, I have monday tomorrow to handle the eyes, then those general fabric fixes (via using some fabric to make eyebrows that cover up the uh...ouch, of it, then the strap hopefully. Leaving the ears to the final time ill have a chance here on friday is definitely risky, but if I dont have a chance for it on then then I can just be content with what I did manage to get. Proper rachel maksy-ing it! But yeah, to think that the costume is nearly complete...it's wild. And I am honestly considering making a CRT Dreams video on what I did and how I would do it better. Its a bit of a tight squeeze for time, since the actual mancfurs event is LITERALLY NEXT UPCOMING SATURDAY, but, I can do it! Oh yeah, forgot to say but, it's mancfurs in manchester! That's where im heading to!!
I am honestly excited for mancfurs. To be frank, this is the first furry event i'll have ever gone to, and that alone is something to find impressive. I have some nerves, some caution, given the fact that this is something that I am really new to, and I honestly dont like doing new things as an autistic person, I prefer routine and order, always have done, but I deserve to try things once and to just have a bit of fun. I'll be going with a friend, so there's not much to worry about. I havent even considered if people will like what im making here...but who really cares what they think, I dont care about their reception to my work as if that's supposed to validate me on why i'm doing it, I am happy with what ive been making and I legit cant wait for the end result. But I do hope that the overall outfit just works out well in the end. I think it will. I think the only major awkward thing about it will be making sure that I take my tights and skirt, that ill be wearing for it, off, before I get back home since I do NOT feel comfortable having to explain that to who I live with. I like having sides to me that other people dont need to bloody see all the damn time, so, that's that. But honestly, this is so new to me and I cannot wait to experience it! Depending on how things go too, this wont be the only time that kigurumi-patchblob will be out and about within the manchester region either, as October, November, December and beyond exist. My eye is on the december one as if that has a dealers den...fuck yes, you bet im getting my hands on some saucy as fuck furry zine for my own amusement. I know who I am, I aint ashamed lol.
Speaking of the months honestly, holy shit it's finally autism!!! AKA, Autumn. I honestly am really really chuffed about this, given the fact that I love this season more than any other. It's a comforting season for me, and given how different my life has become since everything happening back in april, it will be nice to experience the last few months of the year not only within the company of a parent who I havent spent that time with in over...god, 10 years, but also just to be away from the bullshit of my previous living situation. The thuggish asshole who helped land me here to begin with and my other parent certainly are responsible for that, and they can lie to themselves and deny it all they want. I'm certainly not frustrated, but I am not really living to deal with their weird alternate interpretations of what happened, which, btw, goes like this: their shitty fucking relationship broke down and the thuggish asshole boyfriend decided to escalate it by claiming he changed the locks, stranding us without a place to go - turns out that he didnt change anything, and he had the nerve to bitch at me when I took my internet bills and connection WITH ME when we had to gut everything out of the former living space we called home, in that way (news flash, you fucking Neanderthal, my shit I pay for belongs to me, so take your shitty ass away from what I PAY FOR because IT'S LEGALLY MINE, you fucking trollop - you dont have the right to fucking own it lmao). So yeah, things have been "fine" between those two ever since and I am frankly FUCKING GLAD TO NO LONGER BE THERE. The nerve to try and interpret what happened as anything more than one of the most stress inducing situations in my entire fucking life, when I literally had nightmares due to the stress of it all, nightmares on the constant.
And the irony of it all? Because I landed here, I genuinely became healthier and I am still healing. Sure, I went on a tangent there, I will admit, but, I am honest to god happier and yknow what? An autumn for the first time in literal damn years where I am not having to burn years of my life away having to beg people to stop arguing, to leave each other alone and by god just shut up...is gonna be nice. I honestly just am happier, despite the occasional stressors, and knowing that I can enjoy autumn, and the rest of my upcoming future a lot more, is really nice actually. Hell, christmas is going to be different since ill not only be with that parent I havent lived with in over 10 years, but, maybe it might feel even more traditional, if that makes sense. That a little bit of that old domesticity will return in the end. Am I looking for it to do so? Not really, but, my presence apparently helps the parent I'm living with and im flattered by that. I dont think that's an untrue statement at all, and I usually like to gauge who's lying to me and who isnt. Ergo, I trust that I am infact a good motivating influence on that parent. Nevertheless, there's fun to be had, and I honestly cannot wait for the frost to return, for the leaves to fall, for the days to end quicker, for the cold on my breath to fog up into the night sky...
Perfect sensory shit too.
Handling the fact that I am diagnosed autistic has been...interesting. I've been trying to gather perspective, more than anything. It's odd to think that, while sure, I suspected this and I am not upset with being diagnosed or finally understood to be autistic, i've gone my entire life with having to put up with shit that I legitimately couldnt. Smoke and having to put up with the effects of second hand smoking on my person while i've been bitched at as a literal fucking child for disliking the feeling of being not able to fucking breathe, boiling hot rooms where other people are fine, sensory overload, overstimulation, auditory processing delay, etc etc etc! Apparently, i've just...masked these things so much that deep down, they're rooted into my being. But unplucking the poison roots has been a process, and I have had a lot of days nowadays where I do find it genuinely, immensely difficult to contend with having to just hear constant sensory overload, constant noise, ESPECIALLY THE CONSTANT NOISE GOOD GOD, and...having to accept that this is what "normal" people are like in that regard. I no longer mask, I just go about my day emulating how others would function in that regard, but it is tiresome to no longer have my old shields when it comes to this stuff; so it means that I am a lot more vulnerable, and it means that I have to just deal with a lot of idiocy from others. That, and feeling overstimulated, which is distressing to feel actually - imagine the feeling of noise being so loud you can feel it under your skin, or temperatures so hot that it makes you feel like you're going to stop breathing, or loud social spaces that make you genuinely dizzy. That is what it's like, and its hard to deal with. But people have been helpful, and folks who are additionally on the neurodivergent spectrum themselves, and my lovely partners and people like my sisters, have given me a lot of good support. Perspective matters, here, and I am a creature of information, I pursue that information to benefit myself. In this case, It's justified. But I hope that I can keep understanding my condition and this kind of...disability in time as well. I'm hoping to get a little more support from the usual UK outlets for government support, once I have my detailed written report about my condition.
As it stands, I believe im gonna be alright. It's been one hell of a wild year, but, I cant help but feel like I am doing better, that things are going to be okay, and that life is always worth living. I am happy. And it will remain that way.
HERES TO TOMORROW FOR THE MESH EYES FOR THAT KIGMASK, PATCHBLOB WILL BE REAL DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!
Teehee <3